Oftentimes I monologue to myself, as a way of processing my thoughts, sometimes in mock-interview format, sometimes not. I'm trying to write the ones related to my therianthropy down when I catch them, so here they are. Parts will be dated if I have the date for them, and they're going to be in more run-on style.
[1/27/22]
and i-- i remember, for years, i just had this thing in the back of my mind, like oh, i really want to go... go-karting, or skiing, or biking, or something like that, and i remember having one day where i thought about it more and realized like. wait, i've never actually had that sensation, have i? i've never had this sensation of movement the, the way i described, even though it's incredibly clear and vivid and almost like a craving, in my head... so that's my top example of "noemata," as it is. just things that don't make sense otherwise unless you translate them to kin language, to this therianthropic language...
and with the question of, what's a therian, how did you know in the first place... and i really don't have a better answer for that except that, i've had these thoughts and instincts and experiences since childhood that didn't-- that didn't seem normal, didn't line up with the normal experience of y'know being human and functioning as a human... and once i got on the internet i looked it up, because that's what you do, and lo and behold there were other people out there with these same instincts, and they used the words therian, and otherkin. so it's not like... i found these labels and decided, oh, i really relate to that i'll call myself that... it's more, me thinking "please god there's gotta be someone out there who feels the same way i do," and the therian, otherkin, uh, general alterhuman communities are the only spaces i've found that do feel the same way i do. i mean, that's what a label is, of course... but it's blindingly clear there is no other explanation for this, or at least like, i have found the explanation.
[3/22/22]
how does it feel to be a cat in a human body? well, i would consider myself human and cat, so i suppose i have an easier time of it than others… and sometimes it's nice. at least it's nice having the like, surety of identity. but honestly most of the time it isn't that great, i get species dysphoria sometimes. like my body looks wrong, my limbs don't move right, i miss the fur… i miss the running and the leaping too, that's a big part of it for me… uh, and i get this thing sometimes when i'm walking, where i think, "oh i should be lower to the ground--" or like, i feel too tall, my perspective should be loping along down there. and honestly. the biggest thing is just that it's very isolating, to have all these… thoughts and instincts and weird sensations, and no one to share them with. i'm doing fine, i don't need to be fixed, so it would be nice to share with more people without them thinking that i need to be fixed, or like this is hindering me in some way… it's rare, so it's lonely.
[8/12/23]
Prompt: "Tell us a few thoughts about what it's like being your species." So now it's time for the ram. The ram definitely comes and goes, and I care a lot less these days about the boundaries between otherkin and otherhearted. Right now I'm very much a ram, so here we are. I've done the cat, what it's like to be a mountain lion, or feline in general. Ram is more specific than the cat. I don't have any real kinship with domestic sheep, or goats, or otherwise. It's only the bighorns that get me. So-- what is "being bighorn sheep?" The first emotion is steadfastness. Adaptability, but more in the vein of sturdiness, or knowing that I can survive any encounter. Or at least be prepared for it. But ram also brings with it the knowledge of being prey. And that's a very particular kind of nervousness. Of vigilance, even. I might be stocky and steady and ready for danger but I have to be ready for danger all the time. Have to be ready to be fleet-footed, and fortunately, rams are great at that. Footwork! I can balance on anything. I find it horribly frightening to be in danger of loosing my balance, like in slippery places. Ram also brings with it-- the idea that any mountain can be conquered. Eventually, with enough steady plodding, creativity, and toughness, I can make it to my destination. Solidness, but dexterity too. Community with others. But also, competition. Distrust of others. Pony up, man. Pride is on the line. I'm not afraid of knocking heads with you. I'm not afraid of starting shit. If something's not right, I'll mention that elephant in the room.